Could have been, you never know!

Back in 1970, shortly after I got my driver's license, I returned home from a Friday night out with their car to find my parents in front of the 11 o'clock news, in obvious distress. They gave me such an uncharacteristically warm welcome, I asked what was going on. They replied they had just seen a report of a teenager who had died in a car accident and thought perhaps it could have been me. This accident occurred in a part of town that I had never even been in; I don't think I even knew where it was located. So I asked them why in the world, with all the teenage drivers out there, they thought that could have been me. They responded emphatically “Could have been, you never know!" During the following years, I've spent a lot of time pondering my life in general and my time with them. I figured that because they lost their first child at 10 days (1950, my Dad drove her with a nurse from Magee Hospital to Children's, but it was too late, no NICUs then) and the stories they were raised on, (like how my paternal grandmother hid in her cellar while a slaughter raged in the village above her) their default attitude was probably "Could have been, you never know!" with a very negative connotation. They always expected the worst; no big surprise that they both lived with chronic medical problems. I remember thinking that night in front of the TV, "I'm never going to be like that!" It was one small step towards a more healing path for me. Years later when my own son got his driver's license I understood my parent’s anxiety a bit more clearly. But, I chose not to give into the negtive expectations of "Could have been, you never know!" If he was late for curfew, I realized that if I sat & stewed, it would only get later and later. But, when I gave it up to the Universe, stating something like, "He's yours now, please keep him safe. But, if something happens, I guess that's his path" allowing myself to, I guess you could call it surrender, within 5 minutes he'd walk in the door or call. It NEVER failed! I began using it for other situations. When MAX was running behind schedule or I was stuck in traffic and knew I'd be late for class or an appointment, if I found myself feeling anxious, starting to sweat or thinking of excuses, I’d stop. I'd take a moment to ask the Universe to carry me to a positive outcome, and then relax, even if I had to force it a bit. Deep breaths…. Once, in spite of the allowing, I arrived about 10 minutes late to school. I was surprised with how un-upset I was, moving quickly but not rushing to class. As I was walking up the steps, my instructor came bounding up behind me, he was also late! I whispered my thanks. Oh, there've been times when things don't turn out as I planned, stories for another day. But, when I remember not to buy into the "could have been, you never know" negativity and relax into the flow, allowing things to unfold as they will, even those unexpected outcomes have helped me glide along my path towards the light with ease and a sense of peace, joy and gratitude. With Light & Love, Barbara PS - Happy Passover, Glorious Easter & Joyful Spring Equinox to all!